It started off really badly. I couldn’t recount anything about my ex without having panic attacks. I would throw up after the meetings. I would not sleep the night before the meetings. So she tried a different tactic. She asked me about my favorite memory. (Then she did some rapid eye movement to help me recall even more detail to that memory.) (We are waiting until after I move into the apartment for my next visit.)
We are at my Grandpa and Grandma’s farm in Newark Valley, New York. I must be only 5 to 10 years old. Grandma is sitting in a chair shelling peas. The men are in the kitchen area chatting. A lot of the ladies are on the front porch just being women. It the morning time. I remember smelling the fresh air. I remember that it was still cool then. (Not late in the day to get the heat). I remember the sound of my Grandma’s voice, my mother’s, my Aunties, my cousins and siblings. I remember everyone laughing. How happy we all were as a family. Someone was explaining to me about mosquitos and their feeding off our blood. I remember my Grandma trying to teach me about shelling peas. I remember the smell of the dirt on the porch. I remember the sound of our feet walking across it.
So that is my memory that I use to help me relax at night or stop panic attacks: Grandma’s House.